从前教会最近揭露出来的罪行，让我的很多朋友觉得羞耻。特别是牧师的妻子所说那句“你们都是成年人，我们没有强迫你们奉献房子”，是典型的虐待者想要将羞耻和负罪感转嫁给被虐待的受害者。
希望下面引用的有关“虐待”的经典著作《Mending the Soul: Understanding and Healing Abuse》（https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000SGILQQ/）能够提供一点帮助。
回应这样的羞辱的方式有五种：
1）澄清责任。不要承担自己没有犯的罪。
2）接受神的宣判：他已经赦免我们的罪。
3）通过祷告将羞辱还给施虐者。
4）选择拒绝别人的判断。
5）加入真正的基督徒群体，在里面体会恩典。
（注：以下引自Steven R. Tracy. Mending the Soul: Understanding and Healing Abuse. Zondervan (May 26, 2009). p. 89)
通过祷告将羞辱还给施虐者
Prayerfully Hand Shame Back to the Abuser
受虐者最有力的回击之一就是通过祷告将羞辱还给施虐者。 神学家们很少讨论这一观念，但这却是圣经里经常出现的主题。 圣经的作者们常常请求神羞辱虐待他们的敌人。 这样的做法最可能是求神做这样两件事情： （1）让施虐者因自己的罪而被羞辱所淹没，因此他们可以悔改，以及（2）如果施虐者不悔改，愿神带给他们最终的毁灭。
求神最终毁灭不悔改的施虐者，并不是一种不符合圣经的祷告方式。 虐待的受害人经历了巨大的不公，而神是一位公义的神。 人类一直渴望公义；当他们得不到公义的时候，自然会反抗地呐喊“这不公平！” 事实上，圣经告诉我们，期待神完全的、最终的公义临到不悔改的恶人头上，让我们可以容忍今生的不公并不至于陷入苦毒（提摩太后书4:14；彼得前书2:23）。 基督徒不寻求报复，并不是因为这是一种不合理的欲望，而是因为他们没有权力或权柄对施虐者给予合适的、完全精确的处罚。 保罗劝勉罗马的信徒不要自己申冤，宁可让步，听凭主怒（罗马书12:19）。 神给予恶者的报应将是完全的、让人无可逃避的。 因此，祷告我们的施虐者会满心羞耻，好让他们可能悔改，祷告他们若不悔改就会面临惩罚和消灭，是完全符合圣经的。
在实践中，受虐的幸存者可以这样应用这个原则：写下不悔改的施虐者的名字。 经常为名单上的人祷告，请求神让他们心里充满羞耻以至于悔改，若他们不悔改，愿神将神圣的审判加于他们。
One of the most empowering things an abuse survivor can do is to prayerfully hand shame back to his or her abuser. Theologians rarely discuss this concept, but it’s a frequent biblical theme. Biblical writers often asked God to shame their abusive enemies. Most likely, this meant asking God to do two things: (1) cause the abuser to be overwhelmed with shame for his or her sin so that they would repent, and (2) bring utter destruction on the abuser if he or she didn’t repent.
Asking God to utterly destroy an unrepentant abuser is not an unchristian prayer. Abuse victims experience tremendous injustice, but God is a God of justice. Humans long for justice and innately rebel with the cry “That’s not fair” when they don’t receive it. In fact, the Bible tells us that the prospect of God’s bringing full and final justice on the heads of unrepentant evil people is what allows us to endure injustice in this life without becoming bitter (2 Timothy 4:14; 1 Peter 2:23). Christians are not to seek revenge, not because it’s an inappropriate desire, but because they don’t have the power or the authority to properly exact justice on abusers. Paul admonished the Roman believers not to take revenge on their enemies but to let God do it for them (Romans 12:19). His retribution on evildoers will be perfect and inescapable. Thus, it’s biblical to pray that our abusers will be filled with shame so that they may repent and that they’ll be punished and destroyed if they do not.
Practically, abuse survivors can apply this principle by writing down the name(s) of their unrepentant abusers. They should then regularly pray over the list, asking God to engulf these individuals with shame so that they will repent, and to bring divine judgment on them if they do not repent.